The Beach Episode – Anime Crimes Division S2, Ep. 4
This is the beach episode! Yeah! Beach episode! Yo! Welcome to Prestige Television City! Thanks! “I am the danger!” Yeah! Heh heh. Breaking bad.
– I know. Well, if you like big budgets pretentious drama, and gratuitous one-take hallway fight scenes This is the place for you. Want some salsa for that chip on your shoulder? Sorry. This is your new home. I should be happy for you. Right now, getting my back will do. Something wrong? Um… sorry. I just… I’m not used to feeling this way. About what? Uh… the case! Um… The serial killer case.
– Oh, yeah. The case, right. Obviously. The case. Why? What did you think I meant? Uhhh… The, the symbol. You’re worried about the symbol, right?
The, the symbol. You’re worried about the symbol, right? Oh… yeah. How did you know? I can feel you drawing it on my back. Oh. Yeah, it just… keeps showing up everywhere. The photo with you and Hideki, the package that blew up Officer Vink.
The photo with you and Hideki, the package that blew up Officer Vink. That gun in your apartment. It’s probably just a random doodle. Like that ‘S’ fifth-graders draw so you know they’re hardcore gangbangers. Something just doesn’t feel right. You must feel it too, I mean, you’re so… Tense. Can you blame me? I’ve got the interview with the housing board any minute. Now that sounds like a setup for a new character to enter the scene! We love that around here! Ms. Prestige!?
– Mom!? Mom!? これしかない
“I’m taking my place” 星空を仰ぎ
“Up in the stars” That’s right. Mom. Diesel’s the “Lost” of the family. So promising. But then she got all up in her head and forgot everything that made her interesting. Lovely to see you too. And the polar bear. In the jungle? In Lost. Right? Weird. Like Diesel. She’s weird. Like how Lost is weird.
– Thank you, Joe. So. Diesel’s told me you’re ready to leave behind the childish anime and join the ranks of adulthood. Yes. I love being an adult. The economy, First question: What are your intentions with my daughter? I…
– Oh, no, no. It’s not… We’re not… we’re just friends
– It’s just… We work together, it’s a friendship thing
– Purely platonic. I see. And what is your favorite television show? I love Game of Thrones because it deftly weaves political intrigue and deep character development together with low fantasy and Shakespearan tragedy. I do not consider its protracted storylines tiresome and my first daughter will be named “Khaleesi.” Yes, but that’s what we all love about Game of Thrones. So tell me: what is your favorite thing about it? The… The, uhh… …thrones? Good answer. The thrones are delightful. I also love Mad Men and Breaking Bad, and other shows about grown men getting away with terrible behavior. That’s my favorite genre too! He’s a real catch, mom. I mean, for the city, he’s, uhh You would be proud to have him. Well. Based on my daughter’s recommendation, and everything I’ve seen here today… Welcome to Prestige TV City! Glad to be here. One more question… Have you seen Dragonball? I, uhh… I looked at it once but I didn’t read the subs. Oh, no no no dear. Not the anime. The remake. Dragonball: Evolution? The live action American remake. I, uhh…
– I think it works so much better as a 90 minute movie than a full series, don’t you? Y…Yeah.
– And the casting. It’s so much better to see the emotion on a human actor’s face, don’t you think? You’re a-it’s a valid opinion. And when I think of Goku
– Uh huh… I can’t imagine anyone other than Justin Chatwin. Me… too… Welcome to your new home. Happy to be here. I’ll catch up with you after we’ve assigned you an apartment. I will talk to the two of you later. I think that went really well! No… I knew it. Even the thought of this place churns your stomach. No. No. I love the way they handled Piccoloouhghgh Oof. Drink up, buddy! Looks like someone’s been watching the latest American Horror Story. Sorry. He’s new here. I figured. Like we say around here… “Give it a chance! It gets really good after the first two seasons!” Well! See you around citizens! That was no ‘S’ symbol… Let’s investigate. The hour of victory is at hand. Neo Otaku City is nearly within our control. Isn’t that right, Chief Brody? Yes. With the mayor dead, nothing stands in our way. Even the Anime Crimes Division is completely under our control now. And you have control of the fiber connection? All of the anime in the city will soon belong to TOXIC. To the true anime fans. They’ve installed a limited onto the city’s fiber connection. TOXIC will control it all, and anyone they consider a fake anime fan will be left with nothing but Family Guy! Of course, we have to thank our benefactor in Prestige TV City for partnering with us. Of course. Once you’ve purged your city of all the fake anime fans, Prestige City will gobble them up and they’ll have no choice but to entertain themselves with our multi-season dramas that ultimately go nowhere. Oh no. That makes perfect sense. I must ask – what will you do with Detective Diesel when she returns? Convince her to join our side. Don’t worry. I’m not going to hurt her. Good. Because while she may be misled, She is still… My daughter. They’re getting away! Diesel! You gotta get out of here! I’ll hold them back!
– No! We’ve gotta run! The door’s solid. It’ll hold! I thought I was solid once… But then I met you. What? Get out of here Diesel. Get back to Neo Otaku City. Gather anyone who still truly loves anime. You’ve got to start a revolution. I thought you didn’t care about anime? I don’t. But I care about… Anime… fans. Like… Like me?
– We can talk about this later. Now go! But… What if we don’t get a third season? Fall?
– What if we never get to say how we feel? Then what? What if we do say how we feel? And then all the tension goes away. Like on Friends. God, I hate what this city does to people. I miss being two aesexual cops in an anime town. That’s not the only thing I’ll miss. What… who will you miss? God dammit. We’re doing it again. Just go.
– Right. Going… Here I go… Are you sure you want to do this, Joe? We don’t go for your adorable little quick cut fights around here. We do everything in a single take. The only cuts are going to be from our knives. You got this. Call me when it’s done. You know… I once watched the first episode of The Wire… It was boring. “It’s a one take hall fight, we only got one shot” “Redirect a knife into this random guy’s soft spot” “Judo throw, bro, hit the deck” “Block your blows and then I slit your neck” “Ahh woo wee, gotta catch my breath. Syke!” “Using your knife for a double knife death!”
“Ahh woo wee, gotta catch my breath. Syke!” “Using your knife for a double knife death!” “Moves like The Matrix, I’m Neo Otaku” “There ain’t no spoon here’s my fist about to sock you” “Thought you could beat me in your home turf corridor” “You may be live action but you’re dead on the floor boards” “Hide your stunt doubles with a whip pan, you’re in trouble” “Try to stop me I’m the real deal muscle here to rumble” “I’m super, just sayin’, feel like I’m going Super Saiyan” “You’re insane for fightin’ over 9000” “Blasting off like Team Rocket, knock you over high mountains” “You goons are cancelled, cut your program off the air.” “I’m here to pull the plug, you thugs better beware because” “I’m here to crush (kill) decimate” “Never pick a fight with Japanese anime!” “Leanin’ against this wall…” ‘Yo, walkin’ up the stairs” “Oh noo” You should’ve just stayed out of it, Joe. Go ahead. Kill me. Oh I’m not going to kill you. Take him to the binge chamber. Now you’re going to learn what real TV is… Nao~~~!